Frequently Argued Questions

Define "real." It exists. You can touch it. It occupies physical space in the universe. If you mean "is it made from precious metals and gemstones," then no. It's plastic. We've been extremely clear about this. It's in the name.

Our products are hypoallergenic and skin-safe. However, if you leave the Midnight Drop Studs in a glass of lemonade overnight (as one customer inexplicably did), they will dissolve slightly. Don't do that. Why would you do that.

You can wear it in the shower, in the pool, and arguably in a light industrial setting. It's plastic. Water is not the enemy. Extreme heat is the enemy. Do not microwave your jewellery. We can't believe we have to say this but someone tried.

Marketing told us products sell better when there's a sale indicator. So we added one. The fact that the sale amount is zero percent is, technically, not lying. Our lawyers confirmed this. They seemed tired.

About $28 and roughly 40 more grams of plastic. The necklace is longer. That's genuinely the main difference. The material is identical. We priced them differently because that's how commerce works.

30-day returns, no questions asked. Except we will ask one question: "Are you sure? It was $9.99." After that, full refund. We genuinely don't want your used plastic back. It costs more to process the return than the item cost us to make.

Australia: 3–7 business days. International: 7–21 business days. Derek drives the van to the post office every Tuesday and Thursday. If you order on a Wednesday, that's a you problem. (Just kidding. Sort of.)

That's… unusual. These things are nearly indestructible. One survived being run over by a Toyota Hilux. But if yours arrived damaged, email us and we'll send a replacement immediately. And then quietly investigate what happened, because we're genuinely curious.

We use recycled plastics wherever possible and our packaging is minimal. Is this enough to offset the general concept of manufacturing plastic jewellery? Almost certainly not. But we planted a tree once. It died. We're doing our best.

Everyone is paid above award rates, gets four weeks annual leave, and has access to the office snack drawer (restocked Tuesdays). Chairman Meow receives no salary but enjoys unlimited dry food and a heated bed in winter. He seems fine with this arrangement.

We looked into it. Biodegradable jewellery turns out to have a significant design flaw: it biodegrades. A necklace that slowly dissolves while you're wearing it is technically avant-garde fashion, but our customers were not enthusiastic.

Legally, yes. Strategically, it depends on the relationship. We've seen it go both ways. Our recommendation: buy the Eternal Bond Ring ($7.49), and if they say yes, upgrade later. If they say "we need to talk," you've only lost $7.49 and potentially a relationship that wasn't built to last.

We've never been asked this before and we're choosing to be flattered. Yes. The jewellery will outlast everything else in the arrangement. Archaeologists in the year 3000 will find your Monomer Strand perfectly intact and deeply confused.

You probably shouldn't. But consider: we're the only jewellery brand that openly admits everything is plastic. In a world of deceptive marketing, we're refreshingly, almost suspiciously, honest. That has to count for something. Right? Please say yes.